Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
