God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
