I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
