The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
