Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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