Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
