If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
