It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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