Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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