Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
