That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
