My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
