the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
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I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
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I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize