Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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