she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
