Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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