hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
