This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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