worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
17 year olds will be the death of me.
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I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
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My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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