Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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