He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
