from now on my penis is your penis
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
