The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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