when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Drake has all the answers
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
