Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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