I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
