I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?