You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?