There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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