I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
