Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Randomize
