It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
