so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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