How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize