No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i think i just lost a toe
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
