I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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