I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
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