Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
