my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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