I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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