if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
