Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
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