smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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