we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
