he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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