she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
