just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
soo... how was my night?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
