You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
