so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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