I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Randomize
