tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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