Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
