This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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