Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
