update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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