I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I think I am morally bankrupt
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
