Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
