Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
