Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
