she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
