Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
