I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
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