I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
