it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
