My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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