hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
