Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
