using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
