I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
