Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
