I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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