it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Never joke about your clitoris.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
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