Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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