I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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