I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
