i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
When did angry sex become our thing?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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