so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
