Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
