I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
