First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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