One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
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i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
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He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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