That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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