He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
