It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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