My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Never let your siblings swipe right.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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