He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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